Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
