I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize