OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
