Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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