She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
