I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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