you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
