She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
