there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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