you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
