Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
