end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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