need another drink. this is the easiest way
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
