my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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