i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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