The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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