My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude i'm inner monologue high
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
