I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
