I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
