The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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