It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
