I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
