Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
