beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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