Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
smell my finger.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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