How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
