Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
