I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
