Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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