Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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