Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
