yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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