So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
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YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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