Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
