Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
