did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
