Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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