Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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