he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize