I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
