She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
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So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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