Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
