woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
