No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize