Im at strip club and am horny
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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