Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
