I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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