Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
