dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
