Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I lost the right to judge tonight
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
