I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
