I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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