either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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