I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
