i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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