I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
