Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
