When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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