That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
