I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
