dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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