thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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