Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
