Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
