The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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