Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
