Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
