I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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