I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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