Moan for me like Helen Keller
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
