he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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