weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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