Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
