I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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