I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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