Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
