we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
