Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
